A New Musical Comedy
Swimtacular
The Poolside Fever Dream of Denise Dornoch
One woman, one pool deck, and one impossibly long afternoon spent trying to be a whole person in a country club that would really prefer she pick a side.
The Idea
She's not a red. She's not a blue. She's a woman who would just like a nap, a nacho, and thirty seconds where nobody asks her to choose a team.
The Premise
It starts poolside. It does not stay there.
Denise Dornoch came to the pool to rest. That was the whole plan. But the deck has quietly sorted itself into two colors, each certain the other is ruining everything, and everyone seems to need Denise to declare which one she is.
She declines. She is not a slogan. She is a full, funny, exhausted human being — and holding onto that, in a world this loud, turns out to be the fight of the day. Then the sun gets to be a little too much, she closes her eyes for one second, and the pool has other ideas entirely.
Act One is the waking world. Act Two is the fever dream. We're not going to tell you what happens when the water changes — only that nobody wakes up in a hurry.
The Cast
Everyone at the pool today.
Denise Dornoch
Our Hero · Pool Mom · ExhaustedTrying to be her whole self against a full slate of distractions. Doesn't get a song of her own until she stops performing for everybody else. Her children are always just offstage — you'll hear them; you'll never see them.
The Pool Boy
Do Not Say His NameHe tends the water at every event. Nobody hired him. Nobody remembers his last name, and you are not allowed to say his first one — ████████ — though by the finale, you'll want to.
Barb Kowalski
Marine · Proctologist · LARP EnthusiastExactly as advertised, in every register, at all times. Takes the pool very seriously. Takes, in fact, everything very seriously. A veteran of the Country Club Wrestling universe.
Madonna Donna
Wealthy · Vegan · Pink MinkArrives like weather. Owns more of the club than she'll admit and none of the loungers you're currently sitting in. Do not touch her lounger. Also imported from the CCWAA world.
Biff Ovurstrait &
Buff Bakstreet
Synchronized · Weathermen
They forecast in unison. They swim in unison. They agree in unison. By the time the finale arrives, they have been quietly training for one very specific job.
Les Dornoch
Denise's Husband · Currently ElsewhereAway at the wrestling matches all afternoon and all evening. Never appears onstage. Not even once. Deeply supportive of Denise, allegedly, from a great and consistent distance.
The Songbook
A first taste.
Act One — The Waking World
- 01 We Love the Pool
- 02 Can We Be Friends? No!
- 03 Thank You?
- 04 Water Aerobics Is Cool
- 05 I Need a Nap!
Act Two — After the Nap
- … Five more songs wait on the other side of the water. The last one is a full poolside aquacade called "Swimtacular!" — the rest, you'll have to come find out.
Where It Came From
From the makers of a sold-out hit.
Swimtacular springs from the same deadpan universe as Country Club Wrestling: The Musical — the comedy that sold out its world premiere and left audiences quoting it in the parking lot. Same commitment to playing the absurd completely straight. Same country club. Deeper end.
Book & Lyrics by San Tropat.
